The Connection Between Addiction and Relationships

While relationships are hard for almost every couple at some point, if one or both partners are suffering from an addiction, it can take things to another level. As someone in a relationship with an addict, you must learn about addiction, try to be understanding and supportive without being an enabler, and seek professional help for your loved one, yourself, and your relationship.

How Healthy People Cope

Humans need three needs met in a relationship in order to be fulfilled and happy. People need someone to act as a builder or partner, with whom they can build a life, home, family, finances, and social structure. They also need someone with whom they feel physical chemistry. Lastly, humans need someone to be a companion, with whom they share emotional love and their most vulnerable self.

It’s hard to find someone who can meet all of these needs in a relationship, so people generally have a partner and friends. For example, your significant other may act as your builder and provide physical chemistry, and your best friend acts as your companion, allowing you to share your deepest secrets. This also helps relieve stress, since all of your needs are being met.

To relieve additional stress, some people also practice yoga or exercise. They may also take a mini vacation or write their feelings in a journal. Other people spend quality time with their friends and family or take solitude in their garden.

How Addiction Fits In

While practicing yoga to relieve stress or leaning on your best friend to meet your emotional needs are healthy ways of coping, some people manage their stress and unmet needs in unhealthy and destructive ways. Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, or an affair, these people end up turning to an addiction or other destructive behavior.

Obviously, addiction isn’t that simple. Someone isn’t likely to hit one rough patch and wake up as an alcoholic. While someone may start off using drugs or alcohol to escape or fill a void in their lives, it turns into an addiction when the person believes he or she cannot cope without them or can’t enjoy life without using. In fact, an addict may continue to abuse drugs or alcohol despite suffering negative consequences in order to get more and to continue to feel the high.

Your Role in Addiction

During times of abuse, addicts hurt friends and family, and the damage addiction causes to relationships is deep and takes time to repair. They typically place their addiction before responsibilities and loved ones. While this is devastating, it can usually serve as motivation to begin the process of addiction recovery, if they see the damage they’re causing. “People only stop using drugs and alcohol when they have suffered enough negative consequences,” says AddictionsAndRecovery.org.

The economical and physical consequences of addiction are usually very late consequences. The social, emotional, and psychological consequences are the most important. Family and loved ones must stop enabling their loved ones who are suffering from addiction in order for them get better.

According to Psych Central, “Enabling is removing the natural consequences to the addict of his or her behavior.” This is dangerous because the most powerful incentive to change is experiencing the damaging consequences of addiction. While they may have good intentions, enablers do more harm than good. And it’s not just the addict who suffers; enablers lose their sense of autonomy and can have feelings of resentment toward their loved ones.

Treatment

Experts say that friends and family are one of the greatest resources for helping addicts agree to treatment. Although convincing a loved one to seek treatment is difficult, finding addiction treatment as soon as possible is crucial. Going into recovery will not fix your relationship; you’ll still need to seek counseling to work on the issues. The National Institute on Drug Abuse has great resources for those suffering from addictions and their families.

Through being knowledgeable about addiction and remaining supportive without enabling, you can move forward and your loved one can work toward sobriety. Don’t think you have to go at it alone. Being in a relationship with an addict brings unique stresses that can only be truly understood by those who have been in the situation. Support groups like Al-Anon offer support specifically for family and friends of addicts. Also, consider seeking individual support from a mental health professional.

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Caleb Anderson co-created RecoveryHope to help people with substance abuse disorders and their families.

RecoveryHope.org was started by Caleb and Molly Anderson. After Caleb was admitted to treatment for opiate addiction, Molly made it her mission to learn more about how to help him fight his battles and support him in his recovery.