What I wasn't prepared for #messyperfectlife

Mar 15, 2016
2 min read

From the moment that first whiff of a co-worker’s tuna fish sandwich turned my stomach and the line appeared on the test two days later, I knew my life would be forever changed.

I had a lot to learn.

And as a first time mom-to-be, my life became overrun with plenty of horrifying parental advice and stories (but that’s another post for another day if Amy ever invites me back).

I’m like a Girl Scout

My motto is “Be Prepared.” So I made sure I was.

Ready for the sleepless nights. Ready for the messy diapers. Ready to not go to the movie theater for six months.

But there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for - #momguilt.

I don’t think I’ve gone one day in the last seven months where I felt like I was giving 100%.

Scratch that. I’m giving 300% every day.

But when it’s 300% and you’re splitting it between Wife/mother/employee/friend/sister/daughter/teacher/volunteer – everything starts to feel like you suck.

What would Shonda Rhimes do?

It came to a head one afternoon at work before book club one night. We were discussing The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. I loved the book. It SPOKE to me.

But I’d been gone from my baby all day - #workingmomguilt. And I thought I was entitled to go drink WINE with the neighbors?

“Screw this,” I told myself. “I’m not going. She’s only little for so long.”

But then I realized I was going to feel just as guilty if I didn’t go, choosing Elmo and a stuffed zebra over talking about Olivia Pope and Meredith Grey.

See? #momguilt.

And then I remembered my favorite line in the whole book (and there are plenty of great ones). It’s in her chapter about “The Mommy Wars”:

I am already in the middle of a Great Mommy War and it is against my worst enemy – me. I don’t need another war against you. I’m betting you don’t need one either.

So, I went to book club. I got there a little late. I left a little early. I still didn’t quite make bedtime, but I tried. And trying counts.

My silver bullet

That night certainly wasn’t a silver bullet and now I’ve gotten the balance figured out – but it did ground me in some perspective. Sure, other people are probably judging me. But no one is harder on me than I am on myself.

And who knows? Maybe in some parallel universe someday, someone will look at ME thinking that I’m the one who has it all together.

But for now, 300% split 10 ways is just going to have to be good enough.

So, I’ll just do what Shonda says.

"Leave no mom behind, soldiers. And that includes leaving myself."

Heather is a mom to adorable Emma and her handsome husband Alan. In addition to her family, her 300% goes toward volunteering in the community at various events/programs, rocking it as an Advertising Manager for a major company, and having coffee with AuthenticallyAmy.

Read more posts from the #messyperfectlife collection.

If you are interested in contributing to this collection, please email AuthenticallyAmy for more information.