How did his career become the priority?

As we have both risen in our careers, I have noticed a shift in balance. Our careers used to be equal.

My husband is a good guy. He loves his family. He loves me. He wants what is best for all of us. He is talented and his career is going well.

We had children, and they were still mostly equal. I thought that this might be the place where our careers went off balance.

But it wasn't. Not yet.

I naturally did more daycare drop offs and pick ups due to location. And, fair or unfair, I also had the primary responsibility for many other child-related things. And, fair or unfair, my husband took the primary responsibility for others like mowing the lawn. A chore we used to share.

With a few minor bumps along the way (like normal people), we shared things equally. Something that was very important to me, and it was important to him.

And, then it happened.

Last August, he was offered a position that required more hours. He works in education. A field that can be very family-friendly in some cases. Not in others. It's the nature of the work he does. It's what we need to have good schools.

He accepted the position and then shared the hours with me. I was crushed. Those very hours just told me that his career was now number one. I would have to take on the bulk of child-related stuff.

A shift in responsibility.

No matter how I define myself as a feminist and annoyingly push my husband to make sure things are 50/50 in most areas of our life, his career creeped ahead in importance.

His hours dictate that I do the majority of drop offs and pick ups for our children. It eliminated my flexibility. It crushed the little bit of freedom that I felt to stay late or go in early.

And it happened naturally.

It's not exactly my husband's fault. He has career goals just like me. This is what needs to happen for his career and for his personal satisfaction.

And it's not necessarily a bad thing.

But it does hurt a little piece of my soul. The part of me that is careful to make sure that "working mom" doesn't mean "mom who works a lesser job so she can get out of the house."

And for the last year we have been struggling through my frustrations and I have had to change my work habits and how I manage my day. I can't rely on that extra few hours in the morning or night once a week.

Don't give me an "at least"

I know I have "at leasts" ... at least I have a husband at home ... at least I have kids ... at least my job is flexible enough ... at least he has a great opportunity.

I understand the "at least" statements very well. I know I am blessed in many ways. Even when the kids want to help me do my hair in the morning (and dad has already left the house).

Or when I can't get them out the door without bribery and suffer the annoying guilt that follows (yes, I gave them cookies for breakfast!).

I am a work-in-progress

Someone once told me that we are not defined by one day. We are a collection of many things and experiences.

A body of work.

Our family is a body of our work.

I've had to come to terms that our careers may not always be in balance. It's okay. In fact, it's what our family needs, and that is the best balance.

I stumbled across some advice I had written for a friend the other day, and it reminded me to trust ... trust my instincts.

My instincts tell me that I can do this. We can do this. It's part of our path.

#workingmom