When I leave you ...

Aug 22, 2016
3 min read

One day I will die.

My heart will be breaking too. And this topic is something that I don’t want to think about, but because I love you so very much I am thinking about it. It’s part of my role as your mother.

I want you to know a few things that will bring you comfort and joy.

I painstakingly prepared for this day because preparing for this day is my final gift to you. I never want to you to underestimate the love I have for you, now and forever.

I thought of your pain, your happiness, the moments we wouldn’t share together in physical form, I thought of God, I thought of money, I thought of celebrations, I thought of quiet moments when you might think of me.

The world will go on. I will watch over you. I will love you with more intensity than I was capable of here on Earth.

If you ever want to hear my voice, read my journals. It’s where I pour out my inner most thoughts of good and bad. It’s where I keep notes about you and the things that you did that made me laugh, cry and scream.

If you want to know about your life as a child, read my “one line a day” journal. I keep this by the refrigerator. Each day I write down something you said or did. There are also bins in the basement where I proudly save your artwork, a letter you wrote and special birthday cards. I want you to also know it’s okay to throw away these bins if you want!

If you want to pray and feel close to me, visit Christ the King Chapel at St. Ambrose University. This is always where I feel closest to God and it’s where you were baptized. I can always feel your Great Grandma Jones with me in this space, and when you are there you will be able to feel the love of your family. My hands will be wrapped around your hands.

If you want to celebrate with me, have a house party. Invite your friends, family and neighbors into your home and embrace them with the warmth of hospitality. Let the kids run wild and stay up too late. Play board games with friends. Put karoake on the TV and bust out some dance parties. Those are my favorite moments. I will be laughing with you.

I am not sick. I have no plans to leave you anytime soon. I want to be by your side forever. But, because I love you so very much, I am prepared for this day.

In the fire box in the basement, you will find all the paperwork you need. Your dad and I made ourselves answer the tough questions that no one wants to think about and we created our estate plans. It brings me so much comfort to know that you won’t have to worry about so much because we did the heavy lifting.

There are directions so you don’t have to worry about what I would desire for a funeral. You won’t have to answer if I have want to be cremated or not. You won’t have to worry about the money. There is enough life insurance to handle such things, and you will find this paperwork in there as well.

Our estate plans aren’t all legal mumbo jumbo, we also included special instructions so you can share our life with others. Enjoy the moment when you get to share a special piece of jewelry with your cousin or pass along a family heirloom. I will be with you in those moments.

I also left instructions for my philanthropic wishes so that my preparation can benefit many others in our world. Because I always want to enforce this lesson in you to care for the world and people around you.

Yes, I am crying as I write this because I can’t imagine a day where I am not physically by your side. But, I am doing it because of my love for you.