Solutions to overcome overwhelm, feel satisfied and get more done

As part of a series, I have asked other women in my life (close and far away) to join AuthenticallyAmy as a guest blogger on the topic #messyperfectlife. In each experience, there is a piece of both. The duality of those is what keeps us learning and growing. Sometimes messy is dominant and sometimes perfect is dominant, but it's always a blend.

Each guest blogger has tackled this topic in their own way--and that is perfect! They are discussing their life moments, glimpses of the successes and failures and more. It's a village, and there is so much power is sharing. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do.

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As a mama it is so easy to feel like we have to do it all, am I right?

If you are a mom, I know you that you know what I mean. Mom Guilt is a terrible thing.

It can creep in at any time.

In our pursuit of being all things to all of our kiddos (and every other person in our lives), we can lose sight of creating harmony and balance in our home, which in turn negates everything we’ve worked so hard to achieve.

As a mom of two little boys and a “go go go” personality, this is something I have struggled with personally.

Before Kids

I was that person that gave until I couldn’t give any more. To know me was to know that I was there to help at the drop of a hat and rarely would say no. I was also a hard worker and any job I took on my career, I took on with full steam and a determination to be the best at it.

When our first son was born, I felt a tug at my heartstrings like nothing else I had felt ever in my life. It literally took my breath away to see him for the first time. In my mind I made a vow to protect him at all costs, love him always and be there for him with whatever he needed.

Of course, in the moment, this was not a promise that was made in physical words, but rather a ginormous burst of emotion.

Lessons Learned So here was the quandry that I faced and I know many mamas face, how can I give my all to my new baby (or children) and still be the best I can be in everything else?

Simple. You don’t have to be.

That was what drove me crazy for so long. I was juggling babies, career, family obligations, activities, and you name it. It became unfulfilling.

We were an out-of-whack household and quite honestly I was not enjoying any of it.

Looking back, sometimes I don’t know how we made it through.

But, I am grateful for the experience because it taught me some key principles that I now share with every mama I know, especially those that I coach in my trainings.

These are key principles to avoid overwhelm, feel satisified and get more done in our messy perfect lives.

​Make a list and check it twice.

Just like ol’ Saint Nick - except this list is a list of everything you “think” you need to get done. (Think being the key word here).

Now, from that list, really look over it and ask yourself “what are the three things I HAVE to get done?” So many times we have a gajillion things on our to-do list and we tell ourselves that everything has to be done and everything is of the most importance RIGHT NOW - and we totally burn ourselves OUT! But the reality of it is that not everything is important right now. No way, no how.

Pick THREE and if you get those done that day great, move on to three more. But if you only get those three things done that day (in addition to all of the day to day necessities like dishes, laundry, and making dinner) then celebrate! Examples of three things might be returning a call, running a kid to practice, getting paperwork filled out for school.

Just say no

In order to narrow down your list, you need to say no to a lot of things. Does the thought of that make you stressed? If so, I was there too. I felt horrible telling anyone no. That is, until I realized it was all of those extra obligations that were stressing me out, robbing us of balance in our home and ultimate happiness.

Now I say no all the time and I don’t feel guilty because I know it is keeping peace in our home. “Say no a thousand times so you can say yes to what matters.” This is a principle I say in my head time and time again. It is a true guiding light.

So how do you know when to say no? Well, just think of what you want to experience more of in your life.

For me, I wanted to experience more joy, peace, and freedom. So as I sat back and visualized these things and what they would feel like, that then led me to list the roles I play in life, in their order of importance.

Here are the roles I play in order of importance - God servant, mom, wife, friend, essential oils educator, business coach, community member, neighbor. The order of these roles determines what I will say no and yes to every day.

So when I receive a request for say a birthday party, I then measure it on this list and ask in what area would it fall? That determines if it gets a yes or a no. So after I’ve made my super long list in Principle 1, I just go through the list and I rate it accordingly depending on my key roles.

Needless to say many of the lesser roles on my list often lose out often so that I can be the best that I can be in the areas that matter most to me in this life. Does that make sense?

Drop the guilt, learn to say no, it will be so freeing, liberating and improve the balance in your home and your life.

Show gratitude!

A grateful heart rarely has time to feel overwhelm. It’s true! A happy heart isn’t focused on what has to happen next or get done now, or tomorrow. A happy heart is content and satisfied with the day.

So how do you get a happy heart and show gratitude? It is a journey and a process. Entire books have been written on the process. But here are a few things that I do, which are simple and easy for any mama to incorporate.

• A morning ritual - before your feet hit the floor, before you grab your cell phone and check in on Facebook, before you do anything at all - say 3-5 things that you are grateful for in that moment. For me this is usually my cozy bed that I do not want to get out of, which then leads me to being grateful I have obligations to get me out of bed. I usually think of my kiddos, their laugh, their morning hugs I am sure to receive soon. I’ll notice still in the air, or the cat cuddled next to me. All things I am so grateful for in my life. It’s amazing how just a few minutes in the morning for gratitude, can change everything.

• Nightly ritual - each night think of something that happened in your day that you are grateful for or something you are proud of that you accomplished. So maybe you kept your cool when you could have lost it - yay! Victory and something to feel good about. Or maybe you DID actually lose your cool, but you apologized even when you didn’t want to - again, celebrate. Or maybe you are proud of yourself for getting dinner done on time - woohoo! Or maybe you took extra time at bedtime with the kiddos, even though the laundry begged to be done. Whatever it is, however big or small, either tell yourself in your head or write in a journal (my personal favorite).

• Gratitude jar - we just started this in our home and it is so fun! I got the as a new tradition for Thanksgiving this year that would bring us all together. Here’s what we do. We have a big plastic see-through jar (it’s just a giant empty Parmesan Cheese jar from Sam’s Club.) Whenever each of us thinks of something we are grateful for we write it on a secret slip of paper and put it into this big plastic jar. (We have to help the kiddos write their slips.) We kept the jar on the table and added to it at each meal or whenever we thought of it during the days leading up to Thanksgiving (granted some days we totally forgot, but for the most part it was good and fun.) Thanksgiving night, before bed, we read all of the entries while all snuggled up.

Embrace the messy with the perfect

I changed the name of this principle a little bit - but ultimately, just let it go. (Is that song stuck in your head now?) ;) Seriously though, let it go.

So the laundry didn’t get done. Ok no worries.

Maybe the dishes still need to get put away and you’re tired - then guess what, go to bed.

Years from now you will not remember the chores that did not get done,.. and neither will anyone else. You will remember the feelings you had, the moments you shared with those you love and you know what, that is what they will remember too.

How do you want your kids to remember you? Do you want them to remember you as the mom with the spotless house? Or the mom who always made time for them. The mom who always made them feel important and like they were the thing that mattered most to her in the whole world.

Bottom line,.. this is YOUR life.

So you get to make it how you want it to be and no matter what, it will never be perfect, but it can be balanced. Finding harmony in the chaos, balance in the imbalance is what it is all about.

#messyperfectlife #parenting #familylessons #investinyourself