Bedtime Routine: Embracing the Three Best Things
- Oct 27, 2015
- 3 min read
Each night, I ask my three children their “three things” -- three things they are proud of, thankful for, or enjoyed doing that day. I ask them this as a way to encourage them to reflect on their day, to push out the bad and remember the good. I place my head on their hearts or, in the case of my littlest, my cheek against his cheek, and we pause for just a moment to bear witness to the blessings.
Most days, they share with me their enjoyment of recess, playing outside with friends, a certain craft project, Girl Scouts or soccer practice. I share with them as well: reading to them, a lesson my students enjoyed, the sunlight, or dessert.
Some days, however, are particularly hard. I have a middle-school son struggling to find his way and a daughter who is starting to construct walls, hard and fast. Sometimes, we get stuck.
Sometimes we are in funks that last days, weeks, a year. We focus only on the scars and the pain, forgetting that healing takes time.
On those “thing-less” days, I wait and listen to their breath.
Because there are moments I, too, am weak, lose my cool, yell, hold grudges, cry, and pout. Because it is easy to wallow in self-pity, blame others for the darkness or the chaos we are consumed by, or blame ourselves.
I teach English, and a few years ago, one of my students was in the hospital. When she returned, students were drafting narratives about significant moments in their lives. “Do you know what you want to write about?” I asked. She leaned against the wall and looked me straight in the eye. “I was in the hospital last week. Because I tried to kill myself.”
And while I immediately wrapped her in my arms and told her again and again, “I’m so glad you’re here,” there was part of me that was not surprised by what she had said. So many of our kids are calling out for help, mine included. So many feel alone and like they have failed us. So many are shriveling up inside themselves from the pressures in this life.
If we can help them see and appreciate what is going right in their lives, even if it’s what they ate for lunch, maybe we can protect them from the darkness, or, at the very least, give them a method for shining the flashlight to scare away the ghosts.
On nights and weekends when my kids are at their dad’s house, if I don’t consciously control my thoughts and let them turn negative, if I pick at that healing scab, I sink. Hard. So I choose to focus on my own three things.
I hope my nightly routine gives them the strategy to do the same, if even subconsciously.
We need to arm our kids with ways to deal with pain and disappointment, not just with math facts and baseball bats.
And, at the very least, it gives me time to pause the monotonous onslaught of school time, dinnertime, bath time, bedtime, rinse and repeat.
And, during those fleeting but immeasurable moments, I embrace my three best things.
Katherine is mom to three adorable, brave and adventurous children. During the day, she is a high school teacher making a difference in the classroom. On nights and weekends you will find her cheering on her children, taking them on adventures and slinging a camera along with her as she documents and experiences life.
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As part of a series, I have asked other women in my life (close and far away) to join AuthenticallyAmy as a guest blogger on the topic #messyperfectlife. In each experience, there is a piece of both. The duality of those is what keeps us learning and growing. Sometimes messy is dominant and sometimes perfect is dominant, but it's always a blend.
Each guest blogger has tackled this topic in their own way--and that is perfect! They are discussing their life moments, glimpses of the successes and failures and more. It's a village, and there is so much power is sharing.
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