Yelling. It breaks the heart. #messyperfectlife
- Oct 15, 2015
- 3 min read
It’s 7:03 a.m. and I need a drink.
Wait, let me back up.
It’s 7:03 a.m., I’m trying to get my 3 girls and myself all out the door, to school by 7:30 a.m., and I need a drink. The kind with alcohol.
I’m a middle school teacher, I’m supposed to be an expert at keeping it together, and I just lost it. I literally bit the head off of all 3 of my girls. Two of them deserved it, one did not.
I’m the mother of an 11 year old, a 7 year old, and a 5 year old. Girls. Girls, do you hear me?!?! Anyone who is a girl or has a girl can feel my pain.
(This is a photo from one of my recent mornings as we took off for school).
My 11 year old has a continuous case of sass-mouth. My 7 year old is the sweetest, most kind hearted little angel, but can’t focus long enough to remember what I just asked her to do. My youngest is about as stubborn as they come.
Not every morning is this crazy, but every once in a while, when the stars and the moon line up just the right way, we have a full blown shit storm.
Welcome to my messy perfect mom middle school teacher life.
Don’t get me wrong, most days I feel like a superhero, getting the kids out the door and into the car lovingly, with everything they need, all put together and shiny. Then onto a full day of inspiring the middle schoolers of the world, convincing them that they can and will succeed, and that I will be there every step of the way.
I love middle schoolers.
I love convincing them that they in fact don’t hate reading as much as they thought. That right there puts me into the category of crazy.
So on this morning, my 11 year old, who would like to be the boss of the entire world, is arguing with everything I say, at the same exact moment that I have to ask my middle child to get her shoes on for what I swear is the 16th time. And in the midst of it all, my youngest is refusing to brush her teeth and is hiding under a blanket in the kitchen.
It’s 7:03 a.m., I’m not even dressed yet, and all hell just broke loose.
I did what every frustrated mom does: I yelled.
I yelled at all of them.
I yelled at my oldest for talking back to me. I yelled at my middle for not listening to me. I ripped the blanket off my youngest, drug her into the bathroom, and I yelled at her for not brushing her teeth. Now she’s bawling. I manage to get dressed, load into the car, and endure the guilt I feel as the silence of the car ride seeps into my ears.
It’s haunting.
As I sit and write this, I fight back the tears. The mom-guilt tears. I don’t like yelling at anyone, let alone my 3 girls. I’m just not a yeller.
But every once in a while, when the stars and the moon line up just the right way…..
You have a moment like this....
Abby is a dedicated reading teacher to middle school kids. She is also a wife and mother to three beautiful girls. She loves to run and volunteer on various community and city boards.
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I learn the most from the everyday people in my life. As an ongoing project, I asked several women near and far in my life to write a post about their #messyperfectlife. Sometimes the messy is more dominant and it's part of our story and journey. Sometimes we experience those moments of perfection. Most of the time, it's all mixed together.
It's a village, and we are all in this together.
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