Finding Yourself #messyperfectlife
- Oct 13, 2015
- 4 min read
As part of a series, I have asked other women in my life (close and far away) to join AuthenticallyAmy as a guest blogger on the topic #messyperfectlife. In each experience, there is a piece of both. The duality of those is what keeps us learning and growing. Sometimes messy is dominant and sometimes perfect is dominant, but it's always a blend.
Each guest blogger has tackled this topic in their own way--and that is perfect! They are discussing their life moments, glimpses of the successes and failures and more. It's a village, and there is so much power is sharing. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do.
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So there I was ten years later...ten years after the most emotionally profound and life changing moment of my life. I was sitting there alone (for a moment) in my thoughts...3 amazing and beautiful children later, reflecting on what the last ten years has brought to my life.
Had I really accomplished anything?
Where had the time gone?
Who was I even?
I had lost myself.
Somewhere in that time I had lost my sense of self. I had completely put myself on hold. Let myself go.
Somewhere between runny noses, reading stories, playing games, busy mornings getting the kids off to school (all while my toddler was running around the house like a crazed monkey), bath time, nap time, dinner time, and laundry, laundry, laundry, and....oh wait...Did I say laundry? I had forgotten who I was. Who I wanted to be.
I was a person once.
A person with my own identity. A person with a name. An actual name! When someone called for me it was "Hey, Missy!" And now, it was an overwhelming at times, flood of Mom, Mommy, MOM!!!!, and Mother (from my daughter who sometimes drives me crazy! Of course that's part of the fun). So as I was sitting there alone (for a moment) in my thoughts...approaching 33, not getting any younger, something clicked. Something changed inside. A motivation I hadn't felt in a LONG time or ever even. A motivation to invest in myself! To find ME again! To become the best version of myself!
I decided I had to find room in my life for myself while still being "MOM".
Somewhere between all of my daily responsibilities I had to find a way to make time for me! No more excuses! No more I'll start tomorrow! No more "this is good enough"!
And that's where my journey began…
I started with a new frame of mind, and at 5'5" and 210 lbs., I was miserable. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror, much less go out in public to show the world the horribly overweight and unhappy shell around the person that I hoped I could be again.
I knew that I COULD and HAD to find that person again before it was too late for me! Before I had become too complacent with the person that I had let myself become. Before I ended up leaving this world way before I intended to. After all, my kids and my husband needed me, and I couldn't imagine not being there for them.
I started out by giving myself more credit where credit was due.
I decided I wasn't going to let other people's negativity get to me! I wasn't going to let MY negativity get to me anymore! I CAN do this! I WILL do this! I made time for me! Time for me to better myself!
Some days, like in the photo below, I didn't want to commit, but I knew I had to be my best champion and cheerleader.
I started eating right and working out everyday. Even on those messy, crazy, less than perfect days, I did it! No excuses! And the weight just started falling off!
And along with the weight, that shell I had created around myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially was also starting to shed.
I was finding myself again!
And, I realized in doing so, that I was also becoming a better mom and wife and an even better me than I had been before! I was a happier, more energetic, more patient mom, wife, and version of myself than I had ever been!
I was starting to take more risks. Forcing myself to do things that were out of my comfort zone. And, I was starting to do things that I use to enjoy that I hadn't taken time for in a long time. Things I had all but given up when I became "Mom" and lost "Me".
It was so liberating!
I am still on this journey, and I know it will be a journey that will last the rest of my life, but I'm ready to take it on with all I've got!! Even in this crazy, busy life there could be time for me, time for my husband, and time to be the mom I wanted to be! So now, as I look back on the last ten years of my life, I realize that I have accomplished so much more than I ever could've imagined! And, that just maybe, I am and have been exactly where I was meant to be this whole time! Only now I could take this #messyperfectlife on like a boss! With a new perspective!
My husband and I had somehow, in the midst of all the madness, successfully parented for ten years..three of the best kids ever!! And now I could be the mom I always wanted to be, because I was me again!
I was a person with my own personal identity outside of mom (which is, of course, the highest honor) I am ME and I am MOM, and I can't think of any accomplishment in life that could be any greater and any more fulfilling than that!
Missy is a stay-at-home mom to her three adorable children. She has lost more than 60 pounds in the last 6 months with no secret other than believing in herself, eating healthier and daily excercise (mostly walking).
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